ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
