Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My penis needs a shock collar
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
