I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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