I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
