i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
