Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
