I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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