It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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