**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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