You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
