I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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