I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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