I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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