He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
