All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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