Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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