Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
