it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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