She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
