dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
