She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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