Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
