I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
