Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
