Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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