I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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