If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
