Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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