I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
