i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
