Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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