it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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