On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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