Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
