I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
