I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
