Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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