My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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