he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
