Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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