jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
