I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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