My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
