It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
