When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
