Moan for me like Helen Keller
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
