Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
