So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
