I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
