Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
